Being done.

[Siva]

When's the right time to quit something?

A friend of mine got hurt last night, and if I didn't do what I do, he'd probably be okay at the moment. Does this mean I should stop doing what I'm doing, or does that mean he needs to learn to close his mouth?

I think I've piqued at what I can do anyway, to go any further would probably get me arrested anyway. But for the most part, I like what I do, it gets me places I probably wouldn't be anywhere near to. I wouldn't be wearing the trainers I'm wearing, I wouldn't have the hats I have, I wouldn't know the people I know.

But, I can't claim that what I do has a whole "greater good" about it. It doesn't. Morally what I do is very questionable. I'm kind of tired of being two-faced. There's the side I show to most people, typical thug etc, and there's the side I show to the few people I can trust, and the internet (anonymity.)

I remember the whole days I spent planning on how to exploit the soiciety I grew up in. I think I was the only kid who went into secondary school with a game plan. Spent about a year and a half getting everyone to know my name, made sure I knew who the year 10's were and all that. Then in year 9, I disappeared off the map. Just as planned, no-one could possibly bully me because they knew who I was. I still get high-fives walking into school, but I don't have to do what they do after they leave the school gates.

I've got total freedom and yet I'm trapped in what I've made myself. I'm proud as hell though, I can walk through wherever I want and make sure I'm not robbed or stabbed. But I'm still tied down to peons trying to make moves behind each others back. And if I cut loose (which I wasn't planning to do, ever.) I really and truly have no idea what will happen.

Perhaps I should stop bitching and deal with it. People get hurt all the time, it's nothing. I'm in a good place. People I have to see every day have no idea what I do, but they know I'm "cool". People who I don't see every day, know me through a friend of a friend of a friend. And those that DO know me, aren't bothered, because there are many more like me, but don't do it the way I do.

Incredibly hard to type this while still keeping what I do quiet, but still.

Should I stop exploiting people? Or doesn't it matter? If I leave there'll be someone to replace me.

Shit.