Deus Ex Alpha

When's the right time to quit something?

A friend of mine got hurt last night, and if I didn't do what I do, he'd probably be okay at the moment. Does this mean I should stop doing what I'm doing, or does that mean he needs to learn to close his mouth?

I think I've piqued at what I can do anyway, to go any further would probably get me arrested anyway. But for the most part, I like what I do, it gets me places I probably wouldn't be anywhere near to. I wouldn't be wearing the trainers I'm wearing, I wouldn't have the hats I have, I wouldn't know the people I know.

But, I can't claim that what I do has a whole "greater good" about it. It doesn't. Morally what I do is very questionable. I'm kind of tired of being two-faced. There's the side I show to most people, typical thug etc, and there's the side I show to the few people I can trust, and the internet (anonymity.)

I remember the whole days I spent planning on how to exploit the soiciety I grew up in. I think I was the only kid who went into secondary school with a game plan. Spent about a year and a half getting everyone to know my name, made sure I knew who the year 10's were and all that. Then in year 9, I disappeared off the map. Just as planned, no-one could possibly bully me because they knew who I was. I still get high-fives walking into school, but I don't have to do what they do after they leave the school gates.

I've got total freedom and yet I'm trapped in what I've made myself. I'm proud as hell though, I can walk through wherever I want and make sure I'm not robbed or stabbed. But I'm still tied down to peons trying to make moves behind each others back. And if I cut loose (which I wasn't planning to do, ever.) I really and truly have no idea what will happen.

Perhaps I should stop bitching and deal with it. People get hurt all the time, it's nothing. I'm in a good place. People I have to see every day have no idea what I do, but they know I'm "cool". People who I don't see every day, know me through a friend of a friend of a friend. And those that DO know me, aren't bothered, because there are many more like me, but don't do it the way I do.

Incredibly hard to type this while still keeping what I do quiet, but still.

Should I stop exploiting people? Or doesn't it matter? If I leave there'll be someone to replace me.

Shit.

I don't know how it is in the UK, but around here, if you stop being intimidating and threatening, you get more girls and friends because you're easygoing and fun to talk to. Unless you happen to be one of those hip gangster wannabes, which HAVE to walk around the block with a Glock just to buy groceries because they think a quiet Suburb is Airport Road in Baghdad.

Most people thought I was intimidating by the black clothing I wear, my stature, etc. But as more and more people talked to me on MSN, XBL etc. they see the side I display on the internet, and generally think I'm a cool guy.

Typical Lewisham.

cataclyzm wrote:I don't know how it is in the UK, but around here, if you stop being intimidating and threatening, you get more girls and friends because you're easygoing and fun to talk to. Unless you happen to be one of those hip gangster wannabes, which HAVE to walk around the block with a Glock just to buy groceries because they think a quiet Suburb is Airport Road in Baghdad.

Most people thought I was intimidating by the black clothing I wear, my stature, etc. But as more and more people talked to me on MSN, XBL etc. they see the side I display on the internet, and generally think I'm a cool guy.

I wouldn't call myself intimidating or threatening. However you do have to get serious alot otherwise you're likely to get stabbed for doing something as simple as crossing a park.

I'd stab anyone walking in my park if he isn't serious, 'am ard.

Interesting problem. I was surprised when I read this.

"Should I stop exploiting people? Or doesn't it matter?"

Life is a game and if you have a plan for it as you said you have you better make sure that plan does not fail you. These questions are something only you can answer, because we are not part of your plan.
I have a different plan, a different approach. I know what I would answer, but I won't.

Ultimately it comes down to survival.