Friends

[Siva]

Ever since I turned about 15 I've been on a mission to dramatically reduce my social circle. Today, I can count the amount of people I actually give a shit about without using all 10 of my fingers.

It's not that I'm an introvert or anti-social, I'm quite the opposite actually. I just have a profound distaste for most people, so I had to limit myself to dealing with the good and the bad of those I actually could call 'friend'.

I don't even keep that many acquaintances, offline or online, offline all they'll do is call you when they need something and online it's just to circlejerk. That said, I have no problem with people calling me when they need something, it's when they call and make fake conversation about bullshit that I dislike. And online? Most people online just piss me off, names automatically spring into my head who I can just think of as CUNT in every community I'm in (except this one, surprisingly.)

It's weird, for a while I thought I was the moron for disliking people so much, maybe I was the prick and that's why I limited my friend so much -- reflection rarely seen on the surface of the looking glass and all that. But nah, it's not even that. People are just really, really fake a lot of the time. A lot of people (family members included) that I have been somewhat close to have 'forgotten' when they owed me money, or even worse, outright lied to me to try and take my money.

I guess what I'm getting at here is, why do other people feel the need to have more and more friends? Why do people willingly subject themselves to the jealousy, the lies, the outward fraudulent nature of so many people? I really don't get it. I don't actively look for a reason to cut someone off, they more often than not show themselves not to be worth the title of 'friend'.

Sometimes even with this small circle I do have, I still get pissed off -- maybe that's why my lifelong dream is to go live in the mountains build a temple and hunt boar all day with a crossbow.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiYDJ432b0U[/youtube]

[Psychotic]

I've honestly never had many friends and this is probably because I am somewhat introverted, I just don't care. I choose to be that way simply because the majority of people I've met either disgust me or are very naive.

I have no offline friends. All my "friends" are online and I have less than a handful of those. I consider them friends yes, but not necessarily people I could rely on all the time. This is largely because they've got their own problems and also because they live thousands of miles away.

I have no offline friends not because I don't want them but because I don't care enough to go looking for them. Those I know online have similar mindsets to my own and enjoy similar things. It's easier to find someone online with similar tastes and so it's easier to find social interaction online. You can do the same thing offline but it requires a lot more work than I really care to put in, only to find out they're a dick (found that out today with some guy my course, for example).

I don't like the thought of being "alone", however. I like to live alone and I like to live in relative seclusion but I could never distance myself from offline social interaction completely, I find that'd deal more harm than good to the average person in the long-run, but I don't feel an incessant need to have a large amount of "friends". They're not friends anyway, they're acquaintances.

Can anyone say, without a shadow of a doubt, that the 50+ people they call "friend" are all reliable, loyal and would help them when they need it? If so then great, but I honestly won't believe a word of it.

[Aidan]

Ever since I turned about 15 I've been on a mission to dramatically reduce my social circle. Today, I can count the amount of people I actually give a shit about without using all 10 of my fingers.

It's not that I'm an introvert or anti-social, I'm quite the opposite actually. I just have a profound distaste for most people, so I had to limit myself to dealing with the good and the bad of those I actually could call 'friend'.

I don't even keep that many acquaintances, offline or online, offline all they'll do is call you when they need something and online it's just to circlejerk. That said, I have no problem with people calling me when they need something, it's when they call and make fake conversation about bullshit that I dislike. And online? Most people online just piss me off, names automatically spring into my head who I can just think of as CUNT in every community I'm in (except this one, surprisingly.)

It's weird, for a while I thought I was the moron for disliking people so much, maybe I was the prick and that's why I limited my friend so much -- reflection rarely seen on the surface of the looking glass and all that. But nah, it's not even that. People are just really, really fake a lot of the time. A lot of people (family members included) that I have been somewhat close to have 'forgotten' when they owed me money, or even worse, outright lied to me to try and take my money.

I guess what I'm getting at here is, why do other people feel the need to have more and more friends? Why do people willingly subject themselves to the jealousy, the lies, the outward fraudulent nature of so many people? I really don't get it. I don't actively look for a reason to cut someone off, they more often than not show themselves not to be worth the title of 'friend'.

Sometimes even with this small circle I do have, I still get pissed off -- maybe that's why my lifelong dream is to go live in the mountains build a temple and hunt boar all day with a crossbow.

Aww, man... Post of the year.


I completely agree. I have my "Blood-Brother" best friend, and as you put it... The rest I can count on my fingers. I don't really care about most other people. It's not being a prick, it's being smart (and that is why we're able to analyse it in this sense, where most others can't). I only hang out with genuine friends now. Not people who associate friends with drug/alcohol abuse, or those who only talk to you with a prefix of fake dialogue when they only really want something. I only be with my friends who appreciate me for who I am.

Many people feel they 'need' a lot of friends, as an act of security. Others do it for selfish reasons such as the fear of being bored; they will hang out with someone they don't really care about, just so they can look socially active and/or have something to do (this is what my own brother does).

Ever since I took the array of tests at my former college, I thank god. It made me realize the person that I am (not to mention that the guidance Councillor there was M.D. Psychologist). She told me we were similar growing up. I don't look at the surface of situations, or people. I look in the background of what influenced these choices. I can be very observant when I want to learn about things. Although I've been able to help a lot of people in my life this way, I also find it somewhat of a curse; viewing life in a complete different way than most I have met. I used to get mad at people all the time, because I can't think the way they do. I can't be 'normal.' Although growing up here, and having fun with my family, and playing with friends; I've never really felt like I've belonged in this country. Growing up in Brampton, Ontario, ALL of my closest friends were foreign (England, Punjab-India, Saudi, Yugoslavia). I don't think I've had one real friend, that was born and raised in Canada, with the exception of my 'best friend,' that I've met moving north in my early teens. My best friend was also an odd one out.

[Hanover Fist]

It's weird, for a while I thought I was the moron for disliking people so much

THIS for the longest time... and still feel this way intermittently.

It's strange that this thread would be written today. I've been thinking about this a lot starting yesterday. Every so often I fault myself for being so "anti social" that I can't engage conversation with any old dude. But when I'm out and about I find there isn't much to say to most people. It just isn't worth the time and most of what they say isn't worth listening to. It's just relaying something almost... scripted it seems.

Also I find the superficiality of most people my age to put me off and be uncomfortable. Only around those I'm comfortable with, my few friends, are people I can actually be chill with. Otherwise I am curt and serious since most don't really listen to me anyway. So, yeah, I'm insecure as fuck, like Magniir said, but it's not like I don't have cause to be.

But other people find ways to use their insecurities to fuel their persona and interactionism. We may fault these people for being predictable or shallow conformists... but I don't think I could really pull off being that way even if I tried. It's like most people are more adaptable to being compatible with, well, most people.



EDIT: As much of a dick I may be online, I put up with off. I should be more outspoken with strangers and be able to shut down condescending assholes more wittily instead of placatingly... but unless I'm in my comfort zone I'm not myself... and since I'm not "myself" most of the time it's confusing to think that being a soft spoken bitch is being myself. This cognitive dissonance is the just cause for my insecurity.

[Psychotic]

EDIT: As much of a dick I may be online, I put up with off. I should be more outspoken with strangers and be able to shut down condescending assholes more wittily instead of placatingly... but unless I'm in my comfort zone I'm not myself... and since I'm not "myself" most of the time it's confusing to think that being a soft spoken bitch is being myself. This cognitive dissonance is the just cause for my insecurity.

I can relate to this.

I wouldn't say I'm "soft-spoken" in real life, I will speak my mind but not necessarily as openly as when I'm offline. The difference really does lie in that "anonymous" factor and because you don't get into huge fights with people online. You can of course, but it's easier to walk away online than it is in real life.

A good example would be what happened to me last night, actually.

At my course a couple of guys and myself usually stay after hours just to hang out. Now, I don't call these guys "friends" like I do a few other people but I haven't seen any reason not to like most of them thus far.

There's one guy in particular though who comes off as extremely arrogant and as if he has a very big superiority complex. Last night in particular he got stoned off his nut and comes in all giddy-like and basically suggests a little "competition" between him and I and some fake web banner adverts we had to make for our web design papers this week.

This all sounds fine and dandy but I knew as soon as he said that that he was going to take it far too seriously for what didn't really mean much to me. I could already tell the rest of the class was hesitant to do it as well, but we did it anyway. Whilst waiting on the votes it became even more apparent as to why he was doing this: His logic was that if he wins it is apparently proof that he is better than me at all types of marketing (noting that this was an incredibly simple banner project) based on the fact that apparently his Degree of Business Administration means that he knows more about marketing than anyone in the class (his words).

I knew this from the get-go that he'd do this, but we did the thing anyway and the score came out as even. Now this guy really couldn't stand that. He sat there for about 15 minutes explaining why his was better than mine and eventually, I just got up, asked one of the others if he wanted to leave, and we left. That was it.

I don't hate the guy, but I see so many people like him. Arrogant, cocky, shows far too much confidence and believes that because they worked in X place or have Y degree that they're gods. I hate people like this. It's not them that I hate but their sheer personality and I can't stand it. I don't have a competitive nature normally, I don't really give a shit either way. I even told the group just to vote for him because he'll never shut up otherwise.

[Psycho]

I'm very social, and could easily engange with a conversation with someone. If anything, I'm the only person in my circle of friends who plays games.

About counting the friends with one hand part, I'm sure that happens to everyone the older they get. At the moment, I'd need more than 2 hands to count, however as I get older I guess that list will fade to a much smaller number.

Tbh the only people I wouldn't approach in a party or something are snobs.

[Mastakilla]

Need more then 2 hands to count your friends? I don't know how people do it, keeping up a good relation with so many people. Unless they're quick to count someone as a friend... I only consider someone a friend when I talk to them pretty much daily, and me and the person go back for years. I'm not really interested in having a large group of friends either. The drama, can't handle it.

I'm still social though and do engage in conversation with just about anyone, I just don't care much about following up on a good time with someone and evolve a friendship so to speak.
... That does sound a bit contradictive though

[clyzm]

+1 Matsa

[Psychotic]

I'm still social though and do engage in conversation with just about anyone, I just don't care much about following up on a good time with someone and evolve a friendship so to speak.

I believe this is what defines the difference between having someone who is a "friend" and having them as an "acquaintance".

My friends are all people I trust and can possibly rely on. Acquaintances are people I hang out with, talk to on a daily basis even, but don't necessarily know and trust them as much as my friends.

[ynnaD]

Stark contrast this topic to the people i know on Facebook who have like 800 friends, i'd love to ask them how many of those people do they actually know and consider proper "friends".

I'm sure many of you have heard of the Dunbar Number, but here's an interesting article about it :

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2010/mar/14/my-bright-idea-robin-dunbar

[-HDD21-]

I have to admit, I only have my partner and a few CLOSE friends, but we both prefer it that way, they are good friends who wont shit on you! I have had the calling when people want something thing all the time, or when they would want to use my house as a base for partying, or a free cooked meal (fast food kinda but for free) so we have like 10 - 15 true friends rather than 50 untrue friends