Deus Ex Alpha

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/advice.asp

President and Mrs. Bush hope that you never have to deal with the tragic heartbreak of a child who masturbates. But the sad fact is, masturbation is rampant among today's youth. The first step towards dealing with a problem is to recognize that the problem exists. Here are some of the most common warning signs that your child may be masturbating:

OMG WTF LOL:rofl2:
I found this text on Russian language in Russian internet about a month ago, on those blogs where people publish some fun stuff to laugh. This text has broken all the records of popularity there. In some cases it comes signed by a priest (prolly Russian), but that's a lies because it was translated from English and belongs to WHITEHOUSE.ORG

fake site alert

LOL @ heartbreak!

Added fake site alert, just in case

LOL, damn you should of left it so someone <s>like klop</s> believed it

Don't offend anyways

Imao, this is a joke

"Boy Juices" is the fucking bomb, itd be funny if the bush administration actually said all of this on television

LOLOLOLOL.

WIN.

Bush is only jealous because he couldn't wank when he was little... Shouldn't take the fun away from others, even if it is a joke =S

"ROCK" MUSIC: Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try masturbation.

l...m...f...a...o

What about masturbation is illegal in every country

Lmao. If your child has thoughts on politics then he/she is a wanker.

Have you caught your child masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down stroking his erect penis, he's probably masturbating. ROFL!!

And the Handz Off Gum finishes it all off!

¤[ß2S]¤Sike wrote:What about masturbation is illegal in every country

Yeah, we should do that, then we should make having sex and eating illegal to. lol

I told him that would happen... ¬_¬

Oh.... I just can't help it..... OooooOoOoOooo......

Now.... Where is the Apple Pie!

ACNE: Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the primary cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne.

Haha, what a load of fucking bullshit.

DESIRE FOR PRIVACY: Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to desire privacy. Chances are he or she is in there masturbating.

Guess whoever wrote this has either, never had a girlfriend, never had a life as a teenager (which is impossible) as all people want privacy some time. ESPECIALLY teenagers...

Oh, and he probably has no cock in the first place...

BOY JUICES: Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have been deposited there. So line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family prayer meeting and underwear check!

HAHAHAHA!!! Well, gotta admit. It's true, but wait! YOU COULD BE HAVING SEX!!! OMFG, IT DOESN'T SAY THAT SEX ISN'T ALLOWED, WOOT!!! Also, I think you'd be classed as a perfect for a "underwear check."

FADDISM: Does your child wear fashionable clothing or hairstyles? If your child can't resist the peer pressure to look a certain way, he or she probably can't resist the peer pressure to masturbate, either.

Oh, FFS! My god, so people AREN'T allowed to wear clothes that are fasionable? Or, people under the age of 18 anyway? What a load of bull-fucking-shit!

And the ways to STOP masturbation are even worse!

Rofl, "Remove your child's bedroom door. Privacy is one of the leading causes of masturbation." I'd love to see my parents try that one on me, lol.

"Throw away your television. There is absolutely nothing of value on television. Everyone should be reading their Bibles or working, not watching filth like Baywatch or Star Trek." - One question, how the fuck does this work? Oh well, there IS a bright side. You Americans wouldn't have to listen to Bush or any other politics complain about wanking...

"Use corporal punishment. Spare the rod and spoil the child! Although outlawed by Socialists in many places, a good sound thrashing has always been the best cure for the unruly child." - I'd also like to see this done on me, I think I'D be the one doing the "thrashing" thanks, if you know what I mean, lol

Man, this is sooo not real, fucken funny though, lol.

LOL!
I have not laughed like this in a long time...

(even if it is labeled "Christian!") is designed to incite sexual desire and summon demons from the Pit of Hell straight into your lovely suburban home

EH?!

(even if it is labeled "Christian!") is designed to incite sexual desire and summon demons from the Pit of Hell straight into your lovely suburban home

Baked beans have the same effect on me...

...and Bush didn't masturbate when he was young?

This explains allot... Don't Masterbate!

SiKkEh wrote:...and Bush didn't masturbate when he was young?

No.

He lived on a ranch, so.........

except when he ... abused ze animals , like omfg el zeb de la ra

That would explain why he never masterbated and against it... Maybe he will
open up "Ranching Schools"? Oh I can see it now...

Come on down to the Christain Ranch School. Cum see the animals!